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According to New York–based neuropsychologist Sanam Hafeez, Psy.D., asking questions can foster intimacy in a relationship because it creates an opportunity for deeper connection, vulnerability, and understanding.

“By asking meaningful questions and actively listening to your partner’s responses, you are creating a space for them to share their thoughts, feelings, and experiences with you. This mutual sharing can help build trust and can strengthen your emotional bond. Similarly, by answering these questions yourself, you are also opening yourself up to your partner and allowing them to get to know you on a deeper level,” Hafeez explains to mindbodygreen.

So, what questions do you ask? Here are a few to get you started.

• Can you describe a moment where you felt the most alive?
• When do you find it hard to ask for help?
• What’s something in you that you’re actively working to heal?
• What are some things we need to do to nurture our love?
• Can you remember the last time you were truly happy? Tell me about it!
• How do you typically handle moments of insecurity?
• Describe a moment where you felt the most alive?
• What’s something you see in me that I overlook about myself?
• When you’re feeling low, how do you like to be supported?
• Do you have any hesitations when you think about our future together?
• What’s something you’re passionate about that you rarely share with others?
• Would you be open to seeing a therapist together if we ever needed to?
• What’s one positive thing you’ve taken away from your worst relationship?
• What experience has shaped your approach to sex?
• How can I love you better?

• Can you sing a song describing what you think the inside of my brain sounds like?
• If I had to give up one of my senses, which would I choose and why?
• What’s something you think turns me on but I’m afraid to admit?
• If I were a fruit or vegetable, what would I be? Why?
• What’s the most embarrassing thing I’d find in your phone right now?
• What do you think my superpower is and why?
• What’s the strangest thing you’ve Googled in the last week?
• If you could take a road trip with one famous person, dead or alive, who would it be?
• What are you top three pet peeves?
• What’s a fun activity you enjoyed as a child that you continue to do now?

• How have your parents affected the way you show up in relationships? 
• Is there anything in our relationship that you’re hoping will change in the future?
• What does healthy love feel like for you?
• What’s one positive thing you’ve learned from me since we’ve been together?
• What’s something you think I could learn from you?
• In what ways do you still feel like a kid inside?
• Is there anything you haven’t told me because you’re afraid I’d judge you? 
• How can I better support you in your personal or professional life?
• What is something you’ve always wanted to try in the bedroom?
• What is something you’ve always wanted to experience together?
• What is one dream you’d like to see come true this week/month/year?
• What do you fear about our relationship?
• How can I contribute to your needs being met today?
• What’s something your parents have taught you about love that you now realize is wrong?
• What do you think the 16-year-old you would think about our relationship? 
• What are your long-term goals for our relationship?
• Everyone loves differently. What do you think we can learn from the different ways you and I show love?
• How much jealousy is too much jealousy?
• How do you define unconditional love?

• What makes you feel loved and appreciated?
• What is something you’ve always wanted to experience together?
• Who was the first person to break your heart? How has that shaped your idea of love?
• When it comes to money, what’s your one major rule?
• Do you ever feel like you’ve had to shrink yourself to be in a relationship with me? 
• What is your idea of a perfect day together? 
• Is motherhood something you want to experience?
• What do you admire most about me?
• Do you feel seen and heard during moments of conflict?
• Are you satisfied with the pace of your relationship?
• Do you have a timeline for marriage?
• What is your happiest memory of our relationship?

• What makes you feel loved and appreciated?
• What do you love about your mom?
• How do you cope with stress or difficult emotions?
• What’s your worst habit?
• What are some things we can do to keep the spark alive in our relationship?
• How do you feel about splitting financial responsibilities?
• Do you see me as someone you’d raise children with?
• How did you contribute to your last relationship ending?
• How has your relationship with your father influenced the ways you show up in your relationships?
• Do you think you’ve cultivated a safe space for your friends to share their feelings?
• What kind of father would you like to be?
• What’s one thing all of your former partners would agree on when it comes to you?

Asking questions and really listening to the answers you receive is a great way to improve your relationship with your partner. By doing this, you show that you’re interested in getting to know your partner on a deeper level.

Additionally, asking intimate questions can ultimately bring about more meaningful conversations and a deeper sense of intimacy between you. And isn’t that what we all want from our romantic relationships?